Elise Has Crappy Mental Health: The Squeakquel — LET’S CHAT about February Goals

SO! January has been a far busier month than I could’ve guessed and I’ve spent 98% of my time doing homework. Or occasionally reading. So with my horrible mental health, my personality outside of that has been in sharp decline. And I’ve decided to make these former January Faves posts into combo self-care-and-my-things posts.

And I want to hear from you about how you’re doing on self care! If the answer is “shitty” you are definitely not alone. But should probably still improve.

The Music

Okay, so the music of the month is Hayley Kiyoko’s Curious. I love Hayley Kiyoko so much and this video is no exception. But honestly the music… is just such a jam.

I also listened to a lot of music from Crazy Ex Girlfriend! Which I again still have not watched. Yay.

And I rediscovered Fall Out Boy’s West Coast Smoker and Carrie Underwood’s Blown Away. Both excellent songs for shitty mental health days. Usually I use PVRIS and Halsey a lot for shitty mental health, but these last two weeks it was basically 90% those.

The Movies

I saw Love, Simon!! with my friend Ellie!

[I also lost the iconic white hat that I’m wearing in this picture, which is really upsetting.]

Of course it was great. I sort of plan on writing a review, so wait for that!

I also saw The Darkest Hour, which was basically my last priority of all the Oscar movies on my list. So that’s fun.

The TV

I did not watch any TV this month. Beyond the singular episode of Big Little Lies I watched with my mother. This is now the third time I have watched each episode of Big Little Lies. I have only actually seen the next episode, ep six, one time, so maybe that should be fun to rewatch.

I also totally wanted to watch the fourth season of Black Mirror! but alas.

Oooooh, I also started watching a lot of Saturday Night Live, especially the news! My favorite skit from this whole month was possibly That Time Kate McKinnon Played Robert Mueller. This gets funnier every time I watch it. Just to shout out a few of my faves from months past: the Papyrus skit. Also, please tell me that y’all have seen this fucking bit. Who even is Kate McKinnon. Gotta say, though, Michael Che is my favorite of the people on that whole show. His delivery is just…. a lot.

My Life

I have gotten into an audiobook app called Libby! This is connected to Overdrive, which I have been aware of for some time, but which somehow did not work very well on my computer. [Also, audiobooks on my computer? How does that help?] So my discovery of this app has basically saved my reading life. You can put F I F T E E N audiobooks on hold at once, and I’ve already read three in this month alone. And DNFed a fourth. Having so many options is amazing ❤

I also, in more personal news, reconnected with a friend I haven’t been as close to in a while! No, this isn’t someone I know on here, but it is a person who reads a lot. Which is awesome. They’re also someone I don’t think judges me, and I don’t think I realized it or appreciated it until recently, so that’s cool.

But honestly… most of this month was just a lesson in shitty mental health. And you know what? That happens. It’s okay. But I think the realization I’ve come to is that I just don’t feel at home with my school and with much of my life. I don’t feel wanted, as the opinionated and expressive girl I am and have accepted myself to be, in the community I have boxed myself into. And I think I have been denying my lack of happiness for a very long time. New goal? Focus on the people I know matter to me and I know care about me.

Goals For Next Month

This is going to be the month of Doing Things I Really Want To Do!! So here’s a list:

1. Watch at least three of my anticipated movies in the theaters! My top priorities right now are Light of the Moon, The Disaster Artist, Shape of Water, and I Tonya. One can be skipped, but I’d like to see the other three at least. 
2. Watch a few episodes — let’s say three — of Black Mirror or Black Sails or Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Those are the top three shows on my list, after all.
3. Continue to focus on growing the club I run, our school’s sort-of-QSA. I’ve wanted more membership for a while, but it looks like we’ve gained three more members to come consistently, meaning we’re now at a big enough size to at least run meeting. It would be nice to hang up more posters. Or get, you know, one more member. IT’S THE ONLY IMPRECISE GOAL ON HERE. WHATEVER.
4. Go to at least three other club meetings. There are so many clubs I’m interested in at my school, and I’d like to work on being more involved with those communities.
5. Hang out outside of school with friends at least three times. This is really high priority because I want to continue spending time with my friends and people who make me feel good about myself.
6. Exercise at the school gym by running on the eliptical at least three times a week. I noticed in December how much I love doing this, and I sort of forgot after winter break came and went, so I’d like to get back on it.
7. Go to lunch at least three times a week. I know that sounds like such a sad goal, but I ditch lunch a lot because I simply can’t convince myself I need it when homework or productivity is calling.

so… that’s it! If any of y’all have self-care goals for the month, please let me know down below. I really want to here how all of you are coping and handling mental health.